Dear Homeschool Mama,
Do you find yourself, at times, wanting to throw in the towel and quit homeschooling? Are you waving the white flag in surrender of (perceived) defeat? Do you find yourself wondering why you should even bother to continue? Today I am here to encourage you to stay the course as you journey through these homeschooling years!!
Homeschooling is an exercise in many virtues, especially FORTITUDE! Within the virtue of fortitude, we find: courage, bravery, determination, patience, perseverance, endurance, and fearlessness. We also build the virtue of temperance in regard to sacrifice and self-denial. I am sure we could list many other virtues we are perpetually working on; however, I feel fortitude and perseverance are key here.
Let’s break the approach to “staying the course” down into 3 basic categories, of which, some will overlap.
Spiritual, practical, and problem solving.
As it is always right to put our Lord first, let’s begin with spiritual. It is imperative to look at the ultimate goal here. As much as we need to have daily goals, yearly goals, and even goals for our child’s life after they graduate from high school, remind yourself of the bigger goal. I feel it is fair to assume each of us has the goal of raising our children for Heaven. Keeping this goal in the forefront will help ease the day-to-day stresses. Some of these stresses may be: not accomplishing enough, having a bad school day, fatigue, or the questions of: “Am I enough?” or “Do I have what it takes to do this?”
Some of you, especially those just starting out or in the early years, may wonder if you are qualified to teach your children. Along with the socialization question, this is usually the second question we hear, “Don’t you need to have a degree to teach your child?” The Catechism of the Catholic Church states “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children” (CCC#2223). What an honor and gift! And 2 Corinthians 3:5 says “Our qualifications come from God alone.” No degree is necessary my friend!! (To be clear, I am not discouraging you from furthering your education; but you do not need a special degree to teach your children). Let me assure you, you are qualified by God Himself to educate your children. Let that sink in.
Keeping the ultimate goal in the forefront also helps as we need to remember we are in a battle. We are battling for our children’s souls. We have to work with heroic effort these days to protect our precious children from scandal, which is everywhere. Sister Lucia of Fatima said the final battle would be over marriage and the family. In her letter to Cardinal Carlo Caffarra she wrote,
“Father, a time will come when the decisive battle between the kingdom of Christ and Satan will be over marriage and the family. And those who will work for the good of the family will experience persecution and tribulation. But do not be afraid, because Our Lady has already crushed his head.” (source)
This bears repeating, we are not just trying to get our children through school, we are trying to get their souls to Heaven!! This is the ultimate goal, and we need to remember this as we face the day-to-day challenges. This goal helps us to have a perspective change. Years ago, my homeschool consultant reminded me we are raising the children for Heaven not Harvard!! This was so freeing to me in regard to the day-to-day woes.
So, what do we do when we face battles? We have a battle plan! Here is what this can look like:
Frequent the Sacraments.
Pray without ceasing!!
ASK for the graces! Our Lady of Grace said to St. Catherine Laboure- “Behold the symbol of the graces I shed upon those who ask me for them.” (source)
Bring EVERYTHING to Him! Any problem a child may have, your curriculum, your fears, your hopes, everything.
Trust yourself and your instincts.
STOP believing lies about yourself, those are from the enemy.
Remember to surrender everything to Him.
We have to surrender our will, our hopes, and our plans to Him, and align our plans with His.
Surrender ushers in peace!!
In regard to surrendering, the Surrender Novena is truly powerful. I have found great peace when I pray it. The Litany of Trust is another powerful prayer. This is not all on your shoulders mama, no need to be self-reliant. The Lord doesn’t drop us in a jungle and leave us without a map. 1 Thessalonians 5:24 assures us, “The One Who calls you is FAITHFUL and He will do it.” We are not in this alone.
In regard to practical matters, I want to encourage you to seek community. Seek support!! This is not a journey we can take without support. Comparison, although a different topic, is important to briefly touch on here, as it is a stumbling block for many and may be a significant reason moms have trouble staying the course. If we are constantly watching our friends who seem to have it all together, and fall into the trap of comparison, we are at risk for falling into despair.
Over the years, I have been a part of numerous homeschool communities across four different states. In each one, there was a common sharing of challenges. Moms could reach out for any number of reasons, seeking new curriculum ideas, prayers for a struggling learner, looking for a simple reminder of why we are homeschooling, and the list goes on. But nowadays, social media seems to have set us apart from each other. Everyone seems to have a platform now where they can be an expert at anything, simply because they post to social media. I have noticed in recent years as this escalates, many moms simply don’t join in or reach out. They are not engaging much, if at all. I can’t help but wonder if it is because they feel they could never measure up. They don’t have a life like the friends they see on social media. Even in person, without social media, they may still compare themselves. Now, there is nothing wrong with observing and learning from our friends, trying things which have worked for them. The problem arises when we feel we need to fit into someone else’s mold. We constantly watch our friends and wonder why our life is not like theirs. Why our child is not as far along as another child. Why don’t the things that work for my friend work for me? Remember, we are all “unique and unrepeatable” as St John Paul II and the Catechism state (CCC 2275). Saint Catherine of Siena said, “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” If we want our children to learn and believe this, why would we not remember this ourselves? We are not called to live someone else’s life, or be on someone else’s journey; we are called to live our life, and our journey. I want to assure you and remind you, NO ONE this side of Heaven has a perfect life. None of us are granted that. Don’t let it take up space in your head. What you see is not always the way it truly is. The Source of our self-worth is God alone. Don’t look anywhere else for it. For the introverted mom, I want to encourage you to step out of the sidelines and seek support of your community. For those more experienced and more extroverted, please help the shy mom, the lonely mom, the scared mom. Please notice the quiet ones and reach out. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up...” (emphasis added). This is what community does for one another, so embrace community.
As for day-to day practical matters, take breaks!!! Know when to end a day; if things are derailing fast there is nothing wrong with calling it quits. Go outside or play a game. If you really feel strongly you don’t want to let go of the school day, change your perspective. Make it a day where learning can happen via educational movies, games, books, art, or nature study. Education is happening; life-learning is taking place always. Even in those bare minimum school years, plenty of learning has taken place. Breaks are crucial! I’d like to advise you to work them into your school year periodically, and take some spontaneously too. If mom just needs a break or needs to attend to other matters of importance (i.e. helping an elderly parent) enlist the help of your older children. Older kids tend to enjoy teaching the younger ones. In fact, they usually will embrace a break from their own work. Don’t stress too much about what is not happening in your school day or week. Think cumulatively, keeping that end goal in sight. For moms of only young children, seek help from a parent, close friend, or your homeschool community.
Give yourself time and space to find out what works for you in regard to curriculum choices and co-ops. What works for some may not work for others. Much in the same way our children learn, our approach to homeschooling is not one-size-fits-all. When a student is struggling, seek to find out what is going on and find ways to help improve the situation. If a child received a serious diagnosis (illness or otherwise), every mom I know would spend countless hours trying to find resources, answers, and solutions. This is not much different. Physical health may not be at risk here but their spiritual well-being is. We moms are determined and will do anything for our children.
St Therese said: “God would never inspire me with desires which cannot be realized.” She is speaking about becoming a saint; however, it applies here as well, God would not put the desire on your heart to homeschool your children and not help you see it through. When the big yellow bus is calling and you are tempted to throw in the towel, remember this quote from St. Teresa of Avila: “If I had to advise parents, I should tell them to take great care about the people with whom their children associate…Much harm can result from bad company, and we are inclined by nature to follow what is worse than what is better.”
The formation of children who attend school will be radically different. They will face challenges homeschooled children won’t. The number of hours our children would spend without us (JUST for instructional time) can be anywhere from 11,000-up to 16,000+ hours in their lifetime, depending on the state you live in. Generally, they would attend 180 days, 7 hours per day, for 13 years, as kindergarten is now full day in most schools. Ask yourself, who do you want raising your child? The world will raise them; the world which has upside-down morals and an abundance of confusion. Many schools are not collaborative with parents. And who better to teach your child with their unique needs than you?
A word to those who have children begging you to send them to school; they do not get to make that decision. Children are just simply not equipped to make life decisions like this, which is why they have parents. Don’t let your resolve weaken; you are doing the best thing for your child.
In the day-to-day drudgery it is imperative to keep the ultimate goal in mind. Focusing on what is happening in a day, a week, or even a school year may bring us to despair. The larger goal (raising these children for Heaven) will keep us on track, which eases the tension in the day-to-day challenges.
Ask yourself what success is to you. True success, in my opinion, is hearing “Well done good and faithful servant.” Not being the best homeschooler, the most active mom, the best at cooking, cleaning, lesson planning, helping the community, and so on. We don't live with those high school superlatives!! We are called to a humble quiet life. We tend to seek success in the wrong places and ways.
I’m at a turning point in my homeschooling journey. I am homeschooling my last child. I have about 5 years left with her. This means I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Experience reminds me just how quickly that will disappear. In just another year or so she will need me far less, and the really fun years with picture books and hands-on activities are in the rear-view mirror. This reality is bittersweet. It is exciting to see her grow and our relationship is moving in a different direction. But also, there is some sadness over the lasts. I miss those picture book and project days. As I gaze over the 25 years of homeschooling books and curriculum we have accumulated I feel proud, and my heart is warmed, but it’s a bit surreal too. Where have those years gone? Those days I thought I’d never make it to the finish line? Just gone in the blink of an eye. So, mama’s, I share this because you are IN. THE. TRENCHES!! These tough days, yep, they are worth it. And yes, they will end. And one day you will ask yourself the same question; Where did those years go? So be gentle with yourself on those tough days. Stay strong. You are doing amazing things! Stay the course, with the grace of God. Stay connected to our Source. Our hope is in Him alone.
St. Catherine of Siena once said, “Nothing great is ever achieved without much enduring.”
Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
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